Not If I See You First - Eric Lindstrom

Review by Coll
4 Stars

One thing I always remember to keep in mind while reading YA books set in high school is that I have to go back to the mentality that I had back then. That is such a rough part of life, with so many emotions, that sometimes you really need to take a step back in time when reading from the point of view of a teenager. Not If I See You First follows a few months in the life of Parker. After an accident severed her optic nerve, leaving her blind at the age of seven and killing her mother, Parker’s life changed dramatically. She built up her defenses and came up with her own list of rules that other people must follow. A few years later Parker loses her father and her life changes yet again. But she is determined not to let this break her. However, in an attempt to protect herself she is also, unknowingly, shutting out those around her.  

Not If I See You First is Eric Lindstrom’s debut novel, and an ambitious one, if you ask me. Not only is he writing from the point of view of someone who is blind, but from the point of view of a teenage girl. Hell I don’t think I could write about myself when I was a teenager, so for an adult man to succeed using the voice of a high school girl, I find that impressive. At first I was unsure how I felt about this book. It took me a few chapters to really get into it, but once I reached that point it was hard to put down. It is not an “action-packed” read, but it is compelling and interesting, and made me think about what it would be like to have my sight taken away from me. 

In the beginning of this book I was not a huge Parker fan. I thought she came off kind of bitchy and seemed to overreact a bit. As the story progressed I learned more about her life, started to understand her “rules” more, and developed such love and compassion for her that I found myself feeling protective. Lindstrom has a knack in this book for gradually having the reader get to know Parker (and the other characters) over time, where you go from judging them from first impressions to learning who they are. He successfully mimicked the process we go through each time we meet someone new. Every character also has major flaws, making them all seem so much more real and relatable.

If there was anything that bothered me about this book it was the reactions characters sometimes had to situations. There was a lot of sarcasm and moments of overreacting, and times where you want to scream at characters for things they are saying and things they are holding in. I tried to attribute it to the character’s personalities and accept it, but this might be something that some readers could find a little bothersome. The relationship part of the book also came off a little overdramatic at times. To think that we could find a soul mate in our early teen years is hard to take seriously and I had to struggle not to dismiss it as teenage drama. 

Through this book we go through a learning process with Parker, where she re-learns trust, understanding, and how to be herself again. I think Not If I See You First told more than just the story of a high school girl who lost her sight; it also told of how if we become overprotective of ourselves we will shut others out and then miss out on so many things.  I was torn between 3 ½ and 4 stars, but I decided to go with four. This is not a book for everyone, mainly because you need to be a YA fan, but I do recommend it to those who like this genre. It is a quick, fun, and adorable read. It is also not a book that you go into with the expectation of being taught something, but that is what it does and that is part of why I enjoyed it so much. From Parker’s first rule “Don’t deceive me. Ever…” to her last “There are NO second chances…” she teaches us something about ourselves as she is forced to learn about, and accept, herself.

“If you don’t understand just accept the confusion. Or embrace it.”

Interested in Not If I See You First? Check it out on Goodreads.